Wine Steward Gifts

"And don't try to pull the old 'good wine steward, bad wine steward' routine."

'This Pinot Grigio reminds me of Miami Beach - they're both close to water.'

"Bring me a bottle of chardonnay and one long straw."

'A little flinty with a blackcurrent boguet, medium tannin, a slight hint of the sea, with merlot overtones and an after taste that becomes okaey with a hint of liquorice...'

"Your wine flight with the turducken, sir."

'I'd like this pinot noir, but I can't afford it - and I own the winery.'

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'WHITE wine with cornmeal!'

'Which of your even-numbered wines do you recommend?'

'In my opinion it's slightly too thin and light on the palette.' - 'That's your water.'

'That's the wine you want? I don't believe we have one with a label depicting you water-skiing naked in Vegas.'

Cat's wine has live fish in it.

"He's a bordeaux collie."

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I'm very sorry, but you can't have the Chianti. White wine goes with poultry."

'£17 a bottle. It must be a fairly good wine.'

"This one gives you a nice rich, oaky hangover."

'The wine isn't pre-phylloxera, but I'm willing to bet the sommelier is.'

"The great is $54.99, and I do have a near-great for $23.99."

'It was an excellent year for corks.'

'Resveratrol? Flavonoids? Phenolic compounds? Whatever happened to asking about the grape type and origin?'

'Let's not order the cheap house wine again!!'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

'Do I detect an inner grape struggling to get out?'

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

Nouveau wine

'The price fixe dinner includes a glass of Sauvignon Blanc from a little known winery in Kansas.'

"A cheeky red?"

'Okay, there's a fly in your Chianti. How much can it drink?'

"The house of Chardonnay, sir - it's a young wine and a bit fruit forward."

"I wanted a bottle of inexpensive wine, but this one is corked with chewed bubblegum."