Wine Steward Gifts

"And don't try to pull the old 'good wine steward, bad wine steward' routine."

'This Pinot Grigio reminds me of Miami Beach - they're both close to water.'

'I'd like this pinot noir, but I can't afford it - and I own the winery.'

'A little flinty with a blackcurrent boguet, medium tannin, a slight hint of the sea, with merlot overtones and an after taste that becomes okaey with a hint of liquorice...'

"Your wine flight with the turducken, sir."

"This one gives you a nice rich, oaky hangover."

"The great is $54.99, and I do have a near-great for $23.99."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Cat's wine has live fish in it.

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Which of your even-numbered wines do you recommend?'

'£17 a bottle. It must be a fairly good wine.'

'Let's not order the cheap house wine again!!'

'In my opinion it's slightly too thin and light on the palette.' - 'That's your water.'

'The wine isn't pre-phylloxera, but I'm willing to bet the sommelier is.'

'WHITE wine with cornmeal!'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'Do I detect an inner grape struggling to get out?'

'That's the wine you want? I don't believe we have one with a label depicting you water-skiing naked in Vegas.'

'Resveratrol? Flavonoids? Phenolic compounds? Whatever happened to asking about the grape type and origin?'

Nouveau wine

'It was an excellent year for corks.'

"He's a bordeaux collie."

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

"I'm very sorry, but you can't have the Chianti. White wine goes with poultry."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"I make it myself!"

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"Ça suffit, good buddy!"

Chiantis In Translation

"If it's a California wine you wish, Mr. Larry will assist you."

"Hey, Johnny—am I nuts, or does this have a hint of oak?"