Wine Server Gifts

"A pox on your house red."

"This wine is CORKED!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"An amusing little wine! At this price it should have its own comedy series."

"Say when!"

Sommelier Life: ". . .I'll have the first three in the same glass. . . thanks pal!"

"What wine goes well with 'broke'?"

"It has a nuttiness with hints of oak, maple, cedar and mahogany."

"If you want to impress your date then I'd recommend this totally overpriced booze. If not, then the cheap box of plonk will do perfectly."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I make it myself!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Pasta

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

true love.

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'