Bar Server Gifts

'Bars don't DO pro bono!'

"That's right -- rub it in!"

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'Do you have any catsup?'

'No ice.'

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Fast food. Even faster food

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'No standing while room is in motion.'

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."