Bar Server Gifts

'Bars don't DO pro bono!'

"That's right -- rub it in!"

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Fast food. Even faster food

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'No ice.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Do you have any catsup?'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"You owe me five bucks."