Server Gifts

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"The knuckle sandwich looks good."

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

'Today's specials are based on information that we believe to be reliable, but are not intended to be, nor should be construed to be, a recommendation.'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

"We'll alternate the windbags with the hard-of-hearing."

'I'm sorry but we don't make hay until the sun shines.'

'Excuse me, but is there anywhere we can get something to eat while we're waiting to get something to eat?'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"I'm your waiter and a vegetarian. Let's try to do this without anyone getting hurt"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

'Perhaps Madam would prefer something less robust.'

'Would you like the low-carb, gluten-free, or the hell, bring-it-on section?'

'The customer is always right...'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'I'm sorry, it's just been so long since someone asked me what I wanted.'

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

'What's the one little word you've forgotten?'

'That's it? It sounded a lot better in French.'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'I'm sorry sir, but your card was rejected...because it's ugly.'

"If you're strict vegetarians, I recommend the catch-and-release of the day."

'Rabbi, I promise, all I ordered was an apple!'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Chemists love it. It goes very well with most food additives we use.'

"We're out of flowers."

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

"I'm sorry, have you been grimacing long?"

"Trust me, they get a lot more forgetful when it comes time to pay their tab."

"O.K., I'm ready. You can let it go."

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'