Server Mugs

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"The knuckle sandwich looks good."

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

'Today's specials are based on information that we believe to be reliable, but are not intended to be, nor should be construed to be, a recommendation.'

"We'll alternate the windbags with the hard-of-hearing."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'The customer is always right...'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Perhaps Madam would prefer something less robust.'

'I'm sorry but we don't make hay until the sun shines.'

'Would you like the low-carb, gluten-free, or the hell, bring-it-on section?'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

'Excuse me, but is there anywhere we can get something to eat while we're waiting to get something to eat?'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"I'm your waiter and a vegetarian. Let's try to do this without anyone getting hurt"

'Rabbi, I promise, all I ordered was an apple!'

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

'What's the one little word you've forgotten?'

'That's it? It sounded a lot better in French.'

'I'm sorry sir, but your card was rejected...because it's ugly.'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'I'm sorry, it's just been so long since someone asked me what I wanted.'

"If you're strict vegetarians, I recommend the catch-and-release of the day."

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

"O.K., I'm ready. You can let it go."

'Waiter, there's no fly in my soup.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I'm sorry, have you been grimacing long?"

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

'Chemists love it. It goes very well with most food additives we use.'

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"