Servers Gifts

"Who ordered the Manhattan?"

Your Tip So Far

"Sorry for the wait, but it's been like Grand Central station in here."

"Careful, the plate is hot."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"

"We'd like to inform you that there will be separate checks, and that the rest of the party does not endorse or condone the manner in which Kyle treats waitstaff."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"No, I'm sorry, acorns are off."

"Excellent...but how's the hangover?"

"I need 3 orders of chicken wings. One, too Hot, one, too Cold and one, Just Right."

"You may have a so-called 'doggie bag,' but there's a $5 sharing surcharge."

"How do I remember orders without writing them? Fatso got the fries, Bitchface got the burger, Pimples got pizza, and Pignose got pulled pork."

"Miss, I'd like to order now, unless I've already eaten, in which case, bring me another drink."

'I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones.'

'I'd like a roast beef sandwich, open face.' - 'Why would he want to hurt my feelings?'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Vino News only rates this wine a 2--but the cork got a 10!'

Slow/Fast Food.

'I need a bigger mug.'

"Table three... another ten minutes! Complementary wine!!"

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

In basket-case.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."