Wine Retailer Gifts

'It's not quite ready now, but come 2285, you'll be glad you waited.'

'Of course the biggest difference between investing in wines, as opposed to stocks is the way in which they crash.'

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

'It keeps leftover wine fresh? Does that ever happen?'

'It's the worst part about going from being a wine collector to a wine retailer - I just can't bear to part with any of them!'

'It's white! It's red! It's dry! It's sweet! It's still! It's sparkling! It goes well with everything!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

'A Merlot? A Cab? If I had known there would be this many red wines, when I created the Earth, I would have made it smaller.'

"Selling like hot cakes!"

'Honey, this one sounds good.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I make it myself!"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

true love.

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

Wine Talking

Wine of the Day Club

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

"Okay then, what wine do you have if we go up to the four dollar range?"

Fred red read wine has lots of benefits, including longer life!

"Bring us your dustiest bottle of wine."

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

'Red for me, please.'