Opening A Wine Shop Gifts

'All your wines are so old. Don't you have any that are fresh?'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Important Food Groups

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

true love.

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

Opening the Barrel

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

Fred red read wine has lots of benefits, including longer life!

Wine: New & Old!!!

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

Blackjack: free lemonade!

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

The night they invented champagne.

'How do I qualify for the 'Preferred Customer Discount' you're advertising?' 'Do you have a pulse?'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

Wine: New and Old.

Capt. Ahab's landlocked brother Morab, searching for the white elephant.

'The greatest wine in my collection? Why, it's my '45 Chateau Palmer and, oh, what a coincidence, it's right here!'

'What goes with leftovers?' 'I have a bottle of dregs here someplace.'

Wine: harsh, boring, pretentious, shallow and mischievous.

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'

'It's not quite ready now, but come 2285, you'll be glad you waited.'

"This isn't just any old food wine. This is the foodies' food wine."

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'