Visiting Wine Shops Gifts

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Wine Lady

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

Wine: New & Old!!!

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Wine: harsh, boring, pretentious, shallow and mischievous.

"Drinking? Who's drinking? I'm antioxidizing."

'It's not quite ready now, but come 2285, you'll be glad you waited.'

"Do you have a nice Beaujolais that goes well with a mama’s boy?"

Galician vineyards

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'All your wines are so old. Don't you have any that are fresh?'

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

"Carpe vino! Seize the wine!"

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

'That's one of our fortified wines.'

"Careful, their salesmen are the best - one just sold me an empty bottle."

Amateurs de vin...

"This one's rubbish as well."

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

'A Merlot? A Cab? If I had known there would be this many red wines, when I created the Earth, I would have made it smaller.'

'Guess where I've been.'