Winery Tours Gifts

Wine Lady

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Sauvignon Bonk

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Bubbly

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'