Visiting Vineyards Gifts

Please do not pet the grapes.

'Consumers want so much information about where the wine comes from, we've had to start numbering the grapes.'

'Not a bad way for an oenophile to go.'

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

Nouveau wine

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.