Vineyard Visiting Gifts

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'It's your wife; she wants you to pick something up.'

'Sid uses all 10,000 grape types in his homemade wine. It's a great way to spread the blame.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"I make it myself!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'Who's the new guy?'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'