Vineyard Touring Gifts

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"Wow, a full vat of grapes in 32 seconds! You're hired!"

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'Who's the new guy?'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Wine tasting

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

Nouveau wine

'I think we can skip the resume.'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'