Vineyards Gifts

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

"The movie star who owns this winery bought it to 'have fun.' I'm glad somebody's having fun."

'He must be a top vintner. He's out standing in his field.'

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'Milking' the Wine Barrel.

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

One more please.

The Vineyard

"Why yes, I am a professional grape stomper...why do you ask?"

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'You know why he married a vintner's daughter? He thought she was di-vine.'

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'So that's why you keep asking for grapes!'

"I make it myself!"

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

'Sell some? But then there'd be less for me.'

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

Premier Cru

'You travelled 6,000 miles to find Chateau Grande Magnifique? Buddy, you're looking at it.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Rural Life - 'Good God, I'm afraid we're nabbed!'

"Mr. Rotgut! Mr. Rotgut! A car's coming! A car's coming, and he sure doesn't look lost to me!"

"I want to introduce you guys to what I feel is a really gifted young Zinfandel."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Who's the new guy?'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Wine tasting

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'