Vineyard Enthusiast Gifts

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I want to introduce you guys to what I feel is a really gifted young Zinfandel."

'We pick the grapes, we crush, we ferment, we bottle and label - and we pay them?'

'You people in Napa really take your wine seriously.'

"If the vineyard needs rain, why don't you get the truck washed?"

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"I make it myself!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

Beginning Yarder.

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Who's the new guy?'

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Wine tasting

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"You see a bunny rabbit in the clouds. I see mom telling me to mow the lawn."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

Nouveau wine

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."