Vineyard Virtuoso Gifts

'Yeah, I think it has too much tannin, too.'

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'I think we can skip the resume.'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

Eden. There's great leaves to wear growing on this vine. Ah, it's the new summer clothing line!

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'