Vineyard Aficionado Gifts

Please Wash Feet Before Returning To Work

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

'Life is great' down on the farm.

Country Bumpkin.

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

Pull the udder one

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Can he come out and play?'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Who's the new guy?'

A giant glass of red wine

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

I've located your problem, luv!

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Wine tasting

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine