Vineyard Aficionado Gifts

Please Wash Feet Before Returning To Work

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

'Life is great' down on the farm.

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Country Bumpkin.

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I make it myself!"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

Pull the udder one

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Can he come out and play?'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Who's the new guy?'

A giant glass of red wine

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

I've located your problem, luv!

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'