Vineyard Virtuoso T-Shirts

'Yeah, I think it has too much tannin, too.'

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'Who's the new guy?'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.