Wine Shop Owner Gifts

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'I've tried it - it's a 94.3829366, at best.'

"This little beauty pairs well with panic-attacks and other anxiety-related disorders associated with 2020."

"Careful, their salesmen are the best - one just sold me an empty bottle."

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Do you have a nice Beaujolais that goes well with a mama’s boy?"

'These are by my doctor. If my pharmacist can't read his prescriptions, how can I expect to read his tasting notes?'

Wine: New & Old!!!

'How is this pronounced? Seven dollars and ninety-nine cents.'

'All your wines are so old. Don't you have any that are fresh?'

Wine: harsh, boring, pretentious, shallow and mischievous.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

Sale.

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."