Wine Seller Gifts

The night they invented champagne.

Wine: New and Old.

A man sells wine for $1 a bottle next to life insurance selling for $10 a bottle.

"Be careful, Thornton - that last bid could be the wine talking."

'So what if he is color blind and can't tell a white from a red--as long as he saves me some green.'

Every business along this street additionally sells wine.

'Jack lost his job as a door-to-door salesman. He went through 7 cases of samples before ringing his first doorbell.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

"I bought this nice bottle of wine for a rainy day...so when it rains, I pour."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Beer Stall

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

true love.

Beer Order

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

Wine Talking

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."