Wine Seller Gifts

The night they invented champagne.

Wine: New and Old.

A man sells wine for $1 a bottle next to life insurance selling for $10 a bottle.

"Be careful, Thornton - that last bid could be the wine talking."

'So what if he is color blind and can't tell a white from a red--as long as he saves me some green.'

Every business along this street additionally sells wine.

'Jack lost his job as a door-to-door salesman. He went through 7 cases of samples before ringing his first doorbell.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

"I bought this nice bottle of wine for a rainy day...so when it rains, I pour."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Beer Stall

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I make it myself!"

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

true love.

Beer Order

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"Okay then, what wine do you have if we go up to the four dollar range?"

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'