Wine Shopkeeper Gifts

'No, no white wine, just a couple cases of '64 Chateau Beychevelle back there between the beans and the diapers - five bucks each.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I make it myself!"

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

true love.

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"Okay then, what wine do you have if we go up to the four dollar range?"

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

Wine of the Day Club

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'