Restaurant Returnee Gifts

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

La Table

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

I love Cannelloni

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Advanced footsie

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Shall I let them breathe."

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."