Restaurant Enthusiast Gifts

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Can I bring you something else to complain about?"

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Dial 911. And change that to a table for three."

"Let's extend our debt ceiling this evening."

'Could I have a table near a waiter, please?'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Oh God!!...the members of the church choir have their annual dinner!'

"That's right, sir, you did book a table for four but you didn't say anything about chairs."

"I take it everything is NOT all right."

"Sorry about the delay, sir, but you shouldn't have to wait much longer - the manager is interviewing chefs as we speak."

"Sorry for the wait, but it's been like Grand Central station in here."

Social Importance: When the maitre d' knows your name.

"The cooker's broken, we'll have to eat out."

'According to the menu, they use only free-range chickens!'

'I've heard the lobster is extremely fresh here.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Four said they'd had better, three said it was disgusting and the other one will be waiting for you in the car park!"

'Special offer today -TWO for one, sir!'

A sign at a restaurant - Food left unattended will be eaten by the waiter.

'I enjoy dining out like this. But it isn't the same as eating one of your home cooked meals, thank goodness.

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Yours is what's taking so long."

Advanced footsie

"I'm running late—some people were waiting for my table so I had to take my sweet time."

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"I gave your ‘compliments to the chef,’ and he’d like you to elaborate."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

A man ordering Haricot Mutton in a restaurant

Waiter, there are three flies in my soup. I guess the chef likes you.

Table for one. Sobbing, or non-sobbing?

You've divided the restaurant into faith-based and non-faith-based seating? Yep. Customers are loving it. It gives them a chance to say where they stand. I'm frankly surprised by the level of interest. What's your most god-fearing sandwich? Tuna.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

I don't meant to insult you, but … isn't "maitre d'" just a pretentious term for "headwaiter"? Menu. I don't men to insult you, but … table for one?