Restaurant Enthusiasts Gifts

"How was your lonely little dinner, sir?"

'One moment gentlemen - do you have a reservation?'

"Lobster? Of course, sir - Whom should we notify in case of an emergency?"

"...Oh wait, it's just my reflection."

"I can grant you three dishes."

'Who ordered the soup with a fly in it?'

"You'd clean and set tables and make sure that each table hs a salt lick and pepper."

"Yes we are a child-friendly restaurant. That's Igor, the owner's son, who will entertain your children while you eat."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

La Table

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Advanced footsie

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'