Dining Out Enthusiasts Gifts

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

'A cheeky red?'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."