Dine-out Enthusiasts Gifts

'I'll have the prime rib with the salad bar and he'll just have the salad bar.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Am Awful Crammer.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'