Diner Enthusiasts Gifts

'Wide Load' enjoying a meal . .

'Know something? Love IS wonderful!'

"Salt mill?"

"By golly, this tastes just like Mom used to make...she couldn't cook either!"

'Notice: Blueplate special may cause urine discoloration.'

Luckily, no one was hurt, thanks to the doggy bags.

"They won't grind fresh pepper here, but they'll open your can of soup right at the table!"

How We Know You're Getting Old

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'