Menu Enthusiasts Gifts

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Menu. Menu. Of all of my "must-reads," this is my favorite.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Advanced footsie

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."