Menu Lover Gifts

'Sorry - today's 'wild card special' was rained out.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Is the MSG local?"

"We're odd looking but just as good."

Fast Food Menu Selections

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Baker Romance

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

'How is the water prepared?'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

'Just for once, can't we have a picnic without your mates turning up to crawl all over the food?'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"....and hold the garlic."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

A man and baby wearing bibs

"Mom said never use that dirty 4-letter word on vacation...DIET."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'