Religious Follower Gifts

'That's my slogan, you lousy thieveing creep!'

"There's a man at the door collecting for Jesus...."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Drive-thru Church

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Spiritual Lives Matter

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Nativity - The sitcom

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"The buck really stops with him."

Pastoring for Dummies

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

Decisions a Pope makes

Pope Francis