Religious Believer Gifts

"You're definitely descended from the apes. I'm descended from Adam and Eve."

Night-time halo

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

The ecumenical dinner party.

"What did Jesus order?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Sermon on the Grounds...

Catholic-Protestant Debates. . .

"Do me a favor, chief. Next time you carve something in stone have it spell checked first."

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

"Wouldn't it have been easier just to tweet those?"

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

Attila the Nun.

Honk if you're holy.

"Hallelujah!"

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"Great news! It's a light touch regulatory framework."

"Boy, the sooner she realises the only authority I obey is the Bible, the better!"

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

'But everybody does that stuff!'

I defend to the death your right to say things I agree with.

"No, we can't have a lawyer look at them first!"

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.