Spiritual Follower Gifts

"Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks, or you don't ."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Drive-thru Church

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Tomorrow will be mainly sunny, but with some scattered showers..."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'I keep thinking I'm David Icke...'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"The buck really stops with him."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

"God may have forgiven you, but Hoskins, Danner & Smythe, LLC, have not."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

Decisions a Pope makes

Pope Francis

"But how many followers do you have?"

'It's just a phase they're going through.'

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

Lost santa and reindeer.

Pope John Paul II 1920-2005.

"Ten commandments and the periodic table – all we have to know."

Yeah? Well my father's better at prayers

"I happen to be somewhat in a rush. Would it be possible to discuss the various aspects of multiculturalism at some other time soon?"