Religious Community Member Gifts

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

St. Elmo's fired.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

Human Rights for All

Midwest Winter Items.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Church Restoration Fund.

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

Nativity - The sitcom

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"Let's start a small group."

"Can you put some sunscreen on my ankles."

"T.G.I.F."

"You remember us....from your garden."

"Was she a roaming Catholic?"

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

Computer literate Monk

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"Can we discuss this?"

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

"Do you have a minute to talk about God?"

'It's unto thee.'

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

Selling to the devil.