Member Of Religious Order Gifts

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Monk Prompt

Midwest Winter Items.

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

Gates of heaven

Church Restoration Fund.

God's Law.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

"Was she a roaming Catholic?"

Computer literate Monk

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

"Can we discuss this?"

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

Please wait to be seated (by electric chair).

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."

No, Reverend, the church does not pay time and a half if you work on a Sunday.

'Sister Agatha you're flirting with another bad habit,'

"Of course I would love to host a spa day for all pastor's wives."

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

"I'd like to fall in love, but without - you know - the icky part."