Religious Family Members Gifts

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Licensed Therapist

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"I didn't spark joy."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Very Difficult Conversations

Dancing Doctor

"Little help?"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Babies vs. Dogs

'And this is Allan...he's the brain in the family!'

Swinging

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"You left your demons here last week."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

No caption (In the first frame a dog rides in a car with his head hanging out the window. The dog is smiling. In the next three frames the view gets progressively closer to his ear, until on the fourth frame a closeup is shown of a flea on the dogs ear. He too, is smiling).

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."