Religious Friends Gifts

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Wildlife

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"I said I wanted to visit the Brandenburg Gate."

'T.M.I.F.'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

'Are we nearly there yet?'

"We thought we would come somewhere remote to self-isolate."

SALE

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Fish hunting for men.

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"How long is it since you took Benji for a walk?"

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.