Close Family Members Gifts

"Mom, Dad, I've been meaning to tell you for a while now...I swing both ways."

"Dad, you made mistakes when you were my age, right?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Cry babies.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'Ahhh...'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"