Close Family Gifts

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

The Baby Walker

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Ahhh...'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Impressing dad.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'