Extended Family Gifts

Thanksgiving Boxing Ring

'I can't move in with my parents. They moved in with my grandparents.

"Which side of the plates do the cellphones go?"

Contest of wills.

"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."

"It's your grandparents, claiming their visitation rights."

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

Grandmother's house has sign 'Kids spoiled while U wait.'

We are looking for a bigger place to accommodate our extended family

"No bread for Grampa. He's on a glutten-free diet."

Ingredients for a successful family dinner

Just your average family holiday portrait.

'Is it just my imagination, or do we have a lot more relatives now that we're throwing a tailgate party?'

Never refuse their homemade food.

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

"And this is our extended family room."

Auntie Bodies

'DNA analysis of board members shows we're not quite the family business we thought we were.'

"You said this would all change once we got our own place."

"I'm putting you on an Auntie biotic."

Family therapy clinic - Joke do jour: What's the difference between an inlaw and an outlaw? An outlaw is always wanted."

'Put up the roof. Another one of the kids just flew out.'

'We're calling him 'Quits'.'

'...And this is my half sister, Donna.'

'Ever get the feeling we've overstayed our welcome?'

"Um, you bought gifts for all our relatives?"

"My relatives are unable to visit this Christmas."

Family Feeling

"Do you remember when families used to get together and fight at Christmas?"

"I've just married your uncle Leonard, and I'm looking forward to your support."

The Forever Stamp

"I don't want to remember her like this. I want to remember her for the mean thing she said in 1981."

The Linters: stuck on the sofa since 1982

"We merged to save through volume buying."

"I know you don't like Democrats, Father, but Willis is a me-too Democrat."