Family Gifts

"Howard, I think the dog wants to go out."

"Son, your mother is a remarkable woman."

"Son, your mother and I, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Kate, Uncle Danny, Aunt Sue, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Jenny, Cousin Rhonda, Tugger, and Sprinkles are gay."

When Moms Dance

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

'Grandpa is showing us how they sent a text when he was a kid.'

"We've changed our minds. We do want to be a burden to you."

Mother's day

"There are some words I will not tolerate in this house-and 'awesome' is one of them."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"Because of inflation, I'm going to have to let two of you go."

"Let me guess -- first child?"

"Go ask your mother."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Well, the children are grown up, married, divorced, and remarried. I guess our job is done."

'The sonogram shows that you are carrying twins. I think they're going to get along very well. They seem to be hugging.'

Rorschach's parents

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"When I first saw your mother, she was bathed in moonlight."

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

"Would it kill me to get in touch with my mother once in a while?"

"He hasn't seen you without a mask."

"Honey, is Ambergene the name of my cousin's daughter or my sleep medication?"

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

"I guess we'd be considered a family. We're living together, we love each other, and we haven't eaten the children yet."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

They were sad when they found out their Grandfather had died in an earthquake.

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

'Ocean view, or would you prefer to watch them fight over the will?'

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'Don't be embarrassed to ask for help Dad.'

"Thanks to separations, divorces and remarriages, I've got 20 grandparents."

"You may be suffering from what's known as full nest syndrome."

"Here's the deal: we call the shots when your're young, you call the shots when we're old, and everything in between is a non-stop battle for control."

'Meet my mothers: biological, surrogate, adoptive and step...'