Family Relations Gifts

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"More boiling oil, quickly! It is your mother and she carries a suitcase!"

'You're in a nice mood, Mum, so don't spoil it by weighing yourself.'

'No, sorry, I wouldn't even lend money to my own mother. Well, you know your family best.'

"Do you have a card for the second step mother of my third wife's brother on her cousins side?"

When Grandma's on your side....

"Consultants are like uncles - we give advice with no real authority."

'I can't talk to your mother unless she lets me fill in a risk assessment form.'

'Just because Mother declared war on you doesn't mean you had to declare war on HER!'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"Mum thinks smoking is anti-social!"

'My parents just don't understand me dude: I'm seriously considering running away from home to join the circus...'

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

"This proves one thing - my mother was RIGHT!"

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

'Your Honor, this is a hostile witness. She's my mother-in-law!'

'Mother, NOT with the crochet hook!'

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

'Keep my mother away from the trial. She makes me feel guilty.'

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'

'How should I know why my daughter has not spoken to me in over a month, stupid!'

'Dad! This is my boyfriend, Bob. He works in advertising'.

Man saying goodbye to a girl's father

"You know Grandma has to try to kill him, right?"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

In the Guru District

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."