Family Life Gifts

"Mom sent us over while she gets the carpet cleaned."

"I do support your right to free speech - I just don't support your tone."

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"If your mother asks, we crossed at the corner."

"Dad bods are so in right now."

"The delight of an evening cocktail is hard to overstate."

"Keeping all out kids does NOT make us hoarders."

"Your mom's a very special person."

'It must be nice having a job where you can work at home.'

"Really, Kevin! You'll ruin your teeth!"

'I can't move in with my parents. They moved in with my grandparents.

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'This is my supply chain.'

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"I think we need to spnd more time with the children,how many have we got?"

"Sure, you have a father. It's just that when you were born, I decided to stay at home and he decided to stay at work."

'We've created a teenager!'

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Just wait until your mother gets home.'

"Mom said you threw your back out. Don't you need it anymore?"

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

'...The world does revolve around our child!'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'It says the best way to stop undesirable behavior is to ignore it.'

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'I think my parents expected me to move out ages ago.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'My backpack would be lighter if I weren't carrying all my parents hopes and dreams.'

"Whenever I want my mom to play fort, I just turn on news about climate change."