Family Life Pillows

"Mom sent us over while she gets the carpet cleaned."

"I do support your right to free speech - I just don't support your tone."

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"If your mother asks, we crossed at the corner."

"The delight of an evening cocktail is hard to overstate."

"Dad bods are so in right now."

"Keeping all out kids does NOT make us hoarders."

"Your mom's a very special person."

'It must be nice having a job where you can work at home.'

"Really, Kevin! You'll ruin your teeth!"

'I can't move in with my parents. They moved in with my grandparents.

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'This is my supply chain.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

"I think we need to spnd more time with the children,how many have we got?"

"Mom said you threw your back out. Don't you need it anymore?"

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"Sure, you have a father. It's just that when you were born, I decided to stay at home and he decided to stay at work."

'Just wait until your mother gets home.'

'We've created a teenager!'

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'It says the best way to stop undesirable behavior is to ignore it.'

'...The world does revolve around our child!'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

'I think my parents expected me to move out ages ago.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

"Whenever I want my mom to play fort, I just turn on news about climate change."

'I know school doesn't start for another week, but any chance I could just drop them off now?'

'We must be great parents...our children all hate us.'