Spiritual Community Member Gifts

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Things I love about Powell River...

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"That's our new church mascot."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Human Rights for All

Midwest Winter Items.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Church Restoration Fund.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Title page from 'The Scouring of the White Horse'.

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"Let's start a small group."

"Landscapes are nice but have considered painting still lifes?...maybe apples?"

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"Can we discuss this?"

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

Beggars on the street.

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

"Possible side effects include disharmony, lack of oneness, and blurred third-eye vision."

'I love money because it reminds me that I'm part of a larger community of capitalists.'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Town follows the snow plough.

'They play five innings or until six parents fall asleep, whichever comes first.'

"Of course I would love to host a spa day for all pastor's wives."

"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."