Religious Community Seekers Gifts

"Let's start a small group."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"That's our new church mascot."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'I'm just going to say my prayers. Any requests?'

R.C.I.A.

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'Get an afterlife!'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"You're on mute."

"Lately, I've become more spiritual, and less religious."

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

Promised Land Signpost

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

"I told you it was a universal truth."

Alternative Medicine. Group Hug.

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'