Joining A Faith Community Gifts

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"That's our new church mascot."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"So, you're the new guy. My sources tell me you bring a lot to the mat."

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

"Let's start a small group."

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

"You know what happens you ASSUME?!"

"Finally - a faith-based initiative I can embrace."

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

Women outside church, "well I don't like the way he's leaning towards Rome."

'I know that, reverend, but where does it say 'jury not'?'

"Don't even think about going over my head Brother James."

Ding Dong Merrily on High

"Line one, Pastor Bob. Last name, Sims. First name, Mary. Preferred name, Honey."

Rick Perry Tebows For A Miracle

The Modern Iconoclast...'Calm down. Things will work out.'

'Is this seat taken?'

'Don't worry. I'm a church pastor. First little problem, and they'll find me.'

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

"I see you, Jake--but does anyone have a question that's not about carpentry?"

'I'm not sure about the new guy.'

"Welcome to the Lord's House. Now in high definition."

"You're a bride of Jesus now? Well....I hope the guy earns enough to feed a family!"

"Once we get the doors open, we'll see all the people."