Joining A Faith Community Pillows

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"That's our new church mascot."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

"So, you're the new guy. My sources tell me you bring a lot to the mat."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

"Let's start a small group."

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

"Finally - a faith-based initiative I can embrace."

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

Women outside church, "well I don't like the way he's leaning towards Rome."

"Don't even think about going over my head Brother James."

'I know that, reverend, but where does it say 'jury not'?'

Ding Dong Merrily on High

"Line one, Pastor Bob. Last name, Sims. First name, Mary. Preferred name, Honey."

The Modern Iconoclast...'Calm down. Things will work out.'

'Is this seat taken?'

'Don't worry. I'm a church pastor. First little problem, and they'll find me.'

"I see you, Jake--but does anyone have a question that's not about carpentry?"

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

'I'm not sure about the new guy.'

"You're a bride of Jesus now? Well....I hope the guy earns enough to feed a family!"

"Welcome to the Lord's House. Now in high definition."

As the only new guest at the church in 7 months, Henry was brought up on stage to feel welcomed and celebrated by the entire congregation.