Joining A New Congregation Pillows

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Early Piety

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Drive-thru Church

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"That's our new church mascot."

Monk Prompt

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

Gates of heaven

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Finger puppets in church.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Let's welcome our new member, Bob!" "You, too!" "'You, too'? Idiot!"

Pope Francis

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Vicar

Jesus swept.