Joining A New Congregation Gifts

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Early Piety

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Drive-thru Church

"That's our new church mascot."

Monk Prompt

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Gates of heaven

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Finger puppets in church.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Vicar

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

Pope Francis

"Let's welcome our new member, Bob!" "You, too!" "'You, too'? Idiot!"

Jesus swept.

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'