Release From Incarceration Gifts

"Well, Judge. I trained to be a dentist whilst I was incarcerated. I've always wanted to thank you for that six year prison sentence."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

"Both the movie and I will be released this summer."

Freedom!

"Why not become a prison officer when you're released, Dobson? We need 2,000 new prison officers; the government's keen to provide employment for ex-offenders plus you know the ropes."

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"Take this harmonica, son - it won't do me any good where you're going."

"He promised to get a job when he get parole - so he's seeing how to get into the church."

After 15 years Mike was released

'This is a list of all the things you need to do around the house when you get your parole.'

'Wilson's back in the work force, and apparently not too humbled by his prison term.'

'Any chance you could keep my cell for me? I'd only just got it how I wanted it...'

"Farewell - I don't have to stay here anymore - I'm rehabilitated."

'Hi honey, I'm home.'

". . . You didn't have to pay for gas and electricity for five years! That's enough compensation, isn't it?"

'Five years in that place. What on earth did you do with yourself in all that time.'

"I know how some actors feel. I can't stand to watch myself on security camera tapes."

"Stop playing hard to get, Giles."

Seven years in jail is enough time to write a book about it.

"I shoulda' fucked every man I ever met."

WARDEN, 'Good luck on the outside, Murdock -- be sure to visit our gift shop.'

"Actually, there were a number of messages while you were in prison."

Prisoners escaping in bubbles.

For use in case of wrongful arrest.

"But I might get attacked by someone on a tagging order."

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'Do you remember those idiots who told us we'd never escape prison? Haha!'

Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in public...

"These came in while you were incarcerated."

"As an ex-priest, I'm having a hard time adjusting to these noncathedral ceilings."